I hate this

I really do. I feel like I’m stuck at home while the time bomb of my life before college is racing down to day zero. And the worst thing? I can’t help it. I’m so tired and my jaw hurts so damn much. Screw you wisdom teeth, seriously, screw you. Everyone else has all this energy and is out having fun while I mope at home in a constant cycle of sleep, eat, meds, pain. Vicious cycle of torment. 16 days is too little. How have my days living in my hometown have disappeared so fast? I hate summer because it is an illusion. You get out of school in May and you feel like you have all the time in the world. You can do anything. Be anyone. Accomplish any goal. The sunshine is so comforting and the warm days ahead are filled with endless, sweet possibilities. Then you wake up. You open your eyes and it’s the last full week of July and there is a pile of college stuff sitting in your dining room that you’ve tried to ignore all summer but it now seems to be flashing with neon colors every time you pass it. You think back to all you’ve done, all the laughs, the embraces, the late nights, the chlorine smell that never washes out of your hair, the barbecues, the trips downtown, the concerts, the midnight kisses, the false feeling of endlessness, and you finally understand how much time has slipped out of your hands. Summer, I hate you but I love you too. You have given me the most beautiful memories and yet you still find a way to rip them away as soon as I begin to realize how much I should’ve embraced them more. I hate this.